Whether long or short, humorous or sentimental, vows are arguably the most important chapter in a wedding ceremony. This is an opportunity for future spouses to exchange promises of fidelity and eternal love in front of their families and guests. Between man and woman, who should go first?
According to tradition, it is the groom who takes his vows first
In a conventional marriage, the vows are first taken by the man before the woman speaks. This traditional order is clearly how marriage ceremonies have been performed for centuries in societies that are both patriarchal and under the weight of religion.
“The male speaks first”! To understand this precedence, however, it is important to note that in these societies, men ruled families, tribes, and clans. The concept of gender equality was irrelevant, and it was not even uncommon for women to be seen as mere possessions by men. Moreover, religion has done nothing to reverse this trend, consecrating man as the head of the household.
In the contemporary world, the domination of men over women is no longer appropriate. In addition, the traditional order does not take into account same-sex couples. Would you like to go against the convention? If you are going to get married in a church, discuss it with your priest or pastor and ask if it is possible to do otherwise. You should be able to win your case.
Today there are alternatives
Times have definitely changed, and it is now possible to no longer respect the order of passage imposed by tradition. But whether you are a mixed couple or a same-sex couple, how do you decide who will take their vows first?
Some heterosexual couples have absolutely no complaints with the convention that it is up to a man to go first. Their culture or religion can play a big part in this position. If you do find yourself, then rest assured, of course, you always have the right to stick to tradition.
Are you rebellious or free-spirited? Would you like to start this new phase of your life without letting your first steps dictate? It’s entirely possible! Bring up the subject heartily as a couple and together decide who will speak before the other on D-Day. The best way is to remember what seems most natural to both of you.
You might as well let the spell choose for you! It’s fun and most importantly there is no risk that one of the lovebirds will consciously or unknowingly impose their opinion on the other. So play a coin toss and stop your choice in two steps, three movements.
Finally, there is another solution that should satisfy both of you: say your vows simultaneously! You will agree that of all the alternatives, this is the fairest. However, in this case, the wishes of the future spouses should be identical.
